


The Path of Least Resistance

by Snegurochka



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-17
Updated: 2009-03-17
Packaged: 2017-10-06 09:21:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snegurochka/pseuds/Snegurochka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teddy had been clean for barely thirteen weeks the night Albus landed on his doorstep, reminding him of everything he'd tried to leave behind. It's hard to mourn a loss when you can barely acknowledge it's happened. It's even harder when you think you're responsible for it.</p><p>~11,000 words. R. Teddy/Albus Severus. Past unrequited Teddy/James. Appearances by Harry and Luna. Warnings: Substance abuse. Grieving after a major character death. Albus is 18. March 2009.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Path of Least Resistance

**Author's Note:**

> Written for hp10K_showcase. Many thanks to all the other Showcase participants who offered suggestions on this story and caught my canon fail.

The flat hummed with silence as Teddy unlocked the door and jiggled the key loose again. He opened it just enough to squeeze through, his head pounding too much to withstand the creaking hinges tonight. It closed behind him with a slight _click_, and he took a moment to lean against it, closing his eyes.

The sound of nothing at all rushed over his ears, only adding to the headache. He would never get used to this bloody _quiet_ all the time, the flat buzzing with that faint, high-pitched tone that defined a noiseless room. He'd once spent nearly two hours in a bathtub scratching his ears raw as he tried to get that buzz of silence to shut _up_, dammit, blood congealing under his nails and the water cooling to ice.

But he'd also been high as a Quaffle that night and nearly out of his fucking mind. He tried not to think about those times too much anymore.

_"No, don't block out those memories,"_ Luna's dreamy voice echoed in his head. _"It's part of your recovery, to remember how awful the potions made you feel."_

Awful. Yeah, that was it. It was _awful_ to float out into the clouds on a Thestral, leaving all your cares behind. Absolutely dreadful to take your broomstick out every night in your mind, beating the stars at their own game. Complete shit, yeah, to let your limbs go weightless and your mind check out.

Okay. The ear thing had been bad, but other times had been bloody wonderful. He wasn't supposed to admit any of that to Luna or the other Healers, though, so he kept those memories to himself. Of all the people he'd thought would understand – besides James, of course – Luna was at the top of the list. Just his luck that her brand of batshit was entirely homegrown, not pharmaceutically induced.

Finally pushing away from the door, he gingerly placed the keys in a dish on a side table and pulled his cloak off, throwing it over the back of his couch. He slowly took his shoes off and started in on his robes as well, wriggling out of them and letting them pool just inside the door. Down to his trousers and a t-shirt, he flopped down on the couch, rubbing his temples and trying to think of anything, anyone, but James.

*

 

"Teddy. Fucking. _Lupin_."

James swung the door closed behind him and followed the path of his arm until he'd twirled in a full circle. Laughing and stumbling a moment from dizziness, he hooked his thumbs into the back pockets of his jeans and sauntered towards the bar.

Glancing up, Teddy grinned. He swept his cloth lightly over the bar surface like always when he didn't know what else to do with his hands, which meant he was usually scrubbing that bloody bar pretty good whenever James came through the door. "All right?"

James only paused in front of the bar, glanced around at the thinning crowd of patrons and held up his hand. Hidden in his fist was a tiny gold phial.

It was hard to describe the degree of want that always crashed over Teddy whenever James made that exact gesture. His fingers gripped the cloth and he gulped in a bit more air, letting his eyes flutter closed. Wanting the potion and wanting James shouldn't have been the same thing, but since the two had always been packaged together, he didn't know how to separate them anymore.

"Like what you see?" murmured James, leaning over with his elbows on the bar. A lazy smile tugged his lips, his eyes already bright and dilated.

Teddy regarded him for another moment, his breath hitching at the way James's shaggy hair curled around his ears and the sleeves of his Muggle t-shirt snapped around his biceps. "You started without me," he said, narrowing his eyes in accusation. James just laughed, his big smile lighting up the pub.

"Might have done." His lower lip slid under his teeth. "Had to meet Fiona's dad for dinner, Christ." He rolled his eyes. "Not enough junk in the wizarding world for that."

Teddy's hand resumed its careful circles with the cloth, each stroke leaving a trail of dampness that the surrounding air sucked up a moment later. "Yeah," he said, forcing a laugh. "Her mother planning the wedding yet?"

"Probably. They all want to marry a Potter, don't they?"

Teddy leaned down on his elbows, facing James. "Idiots, the lot of them." His stomach twisted as he memorised James's face for the millionth time, his lips parting with each sweep of his eyes over the hint of shadow covering James's jaw and the bright spark of life in his eyes.

James grinned.

"Give me half an hour," added Teddy, finally throwing the cloth aside and picking up a few stray glasses to wash. Half an hour, and he would be exactly where he wanted to be: stretched out on the floor of James's flat, the pair of them sighing blissfully and pointing out to each other all the rows of merpeople in top hats swirling in greens and pinks and yellows over the ceiling.

*

 

The knock at the door made him jump.

Blinking his eyes open, Teddy felt a renewed rush of granite slam into his skull. He wiped his damp palms over his thighs and turned on his side, curling up into a ball on the couch.

"Fuck off," he called.

"Oh, that's nice," a voice replied through the flimsy door. "James teach you filthy words like that?"

Teddy froze, his fingers clenched around a cushion. A long stab of silence pierced the flat until Teddy's head began to pound so badly he could barely breathe.

"Sorry," the voice called again after several long seconds, softer this time. "I didn't mean that. Just, can I come in?"

Teddy couldn't move. Saying James's name was like casting a spell over him, locking his limbs and liquefying his brain. Fuck.

"_Please_, Teddy?"

Muttering a string of oaths – which yes, James _had_ taught him for the most part, thank you very much – Teddy Summoned his wand and pointed it vaguely in the direction of the door. "Alohomora," he mumbled, wincing as the lock clicked open and those damn hinges squealed. He closed his eyes against the footsteps in the entranceway and the jostling of shopping bags – what the fuck was in them, marble canisters? – clanking down on the kitchen counter.

"You go to work today?"

Teddy grumbled into the pillow. Two hours hardly counted as a shift and his paycheque would show the bruises, but it was all he could bear before his head had begun splitting in two. Again.

"You all right?" The voice came from somewhere above his head now, but Teddy only burrowed further into the cushions, curling into a ball.

"Brilliant," he muttered, his tongue too thick for his mouth. "Can't you tell?"

"Yeah. Sure." The other end of the couch dipped. "Luna said you've not been to see her for a bit. Sent me over with some food."

"Food made of bricks? What the fuck. Your dad would have my bollocks if he knew you were here, by the way. Yours too," he added.

"Well, he doesn't, so don't worry about it."

Teddy groaned as the sofa continued to shift. "You comfortable, princess?"

"Be nice to me, and I might make you some soup."

"I'm not a fucking child, Albus."

"Oh, it's _Albus_ now, is it?"

"Yeah," Teddy grumbled. "That's what you're called when you act like you're the greatest fucking wizard who ever lived." He would have laughed at that, had he not been sure it would have made him throw up.

"Funny. You're fucking hilarious, you know."

"Yeah, I've been told. James teach you filthy words like that, by the way?"

The silence slammed through the room again, and Teddy thought he felt the couch lurch. Or maybe that was just his entire consciousness. "Fuck you," Al said at last, the words whispered and trembling, and it was too much; Teddy didn't even know why he'd said that.

Six seconds later, he did throw up, barely getting his head off the cushion in time to aim for the floor.

*

 

Sometimes as a kid, Teddy would think back on what things had been like before James and Al and Lily came along.

There were snippets drifting around in his head of Harry lifting Teddy up on his shoulders and trotting him around Diagon Alley, or taking him for ice cream and whispering to him not to tell Gran, or holding his hand as they made their way through the crowd at a Cannons game, loaded down with candy and toy broomsticks.

He was seven years old when James was born. He remembered because it was the day he'd come flying down the stairs, dressed in the robes Harry had bought him that said _AUROR _across the back. Harry had promised to start teaching him real Auror spells that day. His mum would have been so proud of him, Harry had said, smiling and placing a strong hand on his shoulder.

"Is Harry here yet?" he said breathlessly to Gran. She looked up from her papers and smiled at him as he hopped from foot to foot.

"Oh, darling, I'm sorry. No Auror training today." Her eyes cast down at that, and she took a little shuddering breath. Gran never seemed to like it when Harry talked to Teddy about Auror stuff. "But guess what?" She leaned forward. "You're going to have a little brother soon! Close enough to one, at least. We'll go see him tomorrow, all right?" She picked up her quill again. "Much more exciting than all those difficult spells. You're too young, anyway."

His outings with Harry changed after that. He began to notice things that hadn't mattered to him before – like the fact that he didn't live with Harry. He got to visit on holidays and the odd weekend, but James, Al and Lily got to live there _all the time_. When he got to Hogwarts and didn't even have weekends anymore, it occurred to him that even though he exchanged letters with Harry, he was really only borrowing someone else's father.

Nearly everybody in Wizarding Britain had a claim to Harry Potter. Holidays featured a house stuffed full of people Teddy had never seen before, all pressing drinks at Harry and ruffling his children's hair.

"Teddy! There you are," Harry would say on those occasions, pushing through the crowd to sit down next to him with a relieved sigh. "We've not had any time to catch up. How're your classes this year? Oh, bugger. Gin!" he'd call, wiping at his daughter's nose as she skipped by. "Can you come get Lily? She's got some sort of crap all over her fa– oh, Christ. Hold on, Teddy. I'll be right back."

Godson or no, Teddy decided as a teenager that he was probably just one more person cluttering up Harry's life.

*

 

Two hours later, Al had helpfully Banished the sick from the floor and made good on his promise of soup. It wasn't culinary brilliance, but it was warm and the vegetables were soft, and Teddy had to admit it did make him feel a little bit better.

"What are you doing home, anyway?" he thought to ask after awhile, slurping from his bowl.

"Home from what?"

"Uh, _school_? That place you live nine months a year?"

Al gave him a strange look, blinking rapidly before closing his mouth and dropping his gaze. "It's June," he said quietly. "School's done."

Teddy's hand paused where it was wiping a stray drop of broth from the corner of his mouth. "I– yeah. Right, sorry. Forgot." He stared around at his flat as if for the first time, taking in the half empty bookshelves, the dishes piled on the kitchen counter, the bare white walls closing in on him. He hadn't forgotten. He'd just lost nearly an entire month. "So, uh, how were NEWTs? Oh. No, I guess you didn't–"

Al shrugged. "They were fine."

Teddy blinked at him, his foggy brain a step behind. "You– really? Even with– just. Really?" Teddy could barely put his legs through trousers in the morning, never mind having had the tenacity to revise for NEWTs.

"Lily went home," said Al quietly. "Dad said I could, too. Take them next year. But, I don't know." He frowned. "Thought it'd just be easier to go and get them done than to sit around at home, you know?"

Teddy nodded. "So, how many did you get?"

A sheepish smile tugged at Al's lips. "Um. Six."

Teddy barked a laugh. "Course you did. The magic number."

Al snorted. "Yeah. Dad's pretty excited."

Leaning forward to put his empty bowl on the coffee table, Teddy grinned. "So, are you going to make him proud?"

"Honour those that came before me?" Al recited, sitting up straighter as if in a recruitment office. "Realise my full potential in the service of the Ministry?" He rolled his eyes.

"If your dad doesn't get an Auror out of _one_ of you, he's going to go spare."

"Then he'd better start training Lily now, hadn't he?"

Teddy's reply was swallowed by a new round of knocking at the door. He winced as the sound drilled through his head again. He sank further into the couch. "Who'd you invite?" he muttered.

"Nobody," said Al, annoyed.

"Al!" an angry voice called, and both Teddy and Al froze. "Are you in there?"

_Fuck_.

Teddy covered his face with his hands and then slid them up into his hair, tugging. He turned to glare at Al, who only spread his hands for clemency.

"I didn't tell him!" whispered Al, cursing under his breath.

"Open the door, Teddy," the voice called again.

Teddy waved his hand, motioning Al to open it, and then he slid further down on the couch, trying to make himself invisible.

"Dad, don't get angry," Al began as the door swung open.

"What are you doing here?" Harry muttered.

"I can go wherever I want," insisted Al. Teddy glanced over.

"Albus, come with me, please." Harry's voice was quiet but steady, and Teddy had to hand it to him. If their positions were reversed, Teddy would probably be losing his shit right now.

"No, look, it's not what you– it's just, we were talking about stuff."

Harry's jaw tensed. "I think you have plenty of other people you can talk to, if that's what you need to do."

"I don't have anyone! Look, you don't understand what–"

"_Albus_."

Harry's voice rose and cut a sharp swath through the room. Teddy closed his eyes and tried to stop shivering. He'd heard Harry use that tone only once before, and he never wanted to hear it again. It was full of fear and hate and loss. It was the voice Teddy imagined Harry had used on Voldemort right before he'd killed him.

Al stopped talking. Glancing at Teddy, he shook his head and muttered a curse under his breath before grabbing his cloak and storming out the door.

Teddy started to crash again as Harry lingered in the doorway, glaring at him. Tendrils of pain sneaked back up his head.

"I thought I'd made myself clear," said Harry quietly, his hand gripping the doorknob. "I don't want you near my children."

"He just came over," protested Teddy, scrubbing at his face. "Said Luna sent him with food. Christ, I didn't ask him to."

"Luna wouldn't do that. She knows how I feel about this."

Teddy forced himself to look up. "She knows how I feel, too," he muttered, suddenly angry, "and if she thought I was high and starving, she just might have sent some fucking food over, yeah?"

Harry's face shifted. "Are you high?" he bit out.

"_No_. Christ."

Before he could take another breath, a wand tip jabbed into his throat and Harry's dark voice sounded close to his ear. "If I _ever_ find out you've been giving those potions to my son, to Albus," he clarified, his voice shaking, "I will kill you so fast you won't even hear the words. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," Teddy hissed, his lips barely moving. There was no use arguing, not anymore.

Giving the wand one more push, Harry lifted it away and stalked out the door, slamming it closed behind him.

 

  


 

*

 

Teddy and James had been close for years.

"Look at that," James would joke, nudging him. "I got myself an older brother after all."

_Older brother_ sounded like a brilliant title at first. It bespoke of true authority and honour, the sort of privilege only a first-born male could achieve. For awhile, James's pronouncement – first made when they were all still children – made Teddy swell with pride, striding through the Potters' house at holidays barking orders at Al or sending Lily off to her room for minor infractions.

"Are you really _done_ at Hogwarts?" James asked him, wide-eyed, as he packed his trunk to begin his second year.

Teddy only shrugged and nodded, but he walked around with a swagger the rest of that day. Hell yeah, he was _done_. He'd survived seven years at that school, of professors and the Headmistress always talking about his parents, of seeing paintings of the battle all over the castle. At least four of those years had been spent in the library, trying to read everything he could on werewolves and Metamorphmagi, anything that would explain why he'd rather watch Ethan Smith wank in the shower than go to Hogsmeade with Trinity Brown.

But he'd not done well on his NEWTs and didn't have a Ministry career lined up like everyone else. He ended up working at the bar one summer to pay the bills and never left.

When James finished school with three NEWTs and no professional Quidditch contract in sight, that bar became an awfully convenient place to sit around avoiding lectures from Harry about – what was it? Making the most of themselves. The world being their oyster. That sort of shit.

The night James showed up at Teddy's flat with his arm slung around his friend Linus and a phial of gold liquid in his fist was one Teddy would never forget. The potion that slid down his throat that night might as well have been made by bloody unicorns. For those blessed few hours, nothing else mattered – not his job, not his life and not even the sight of James's tousled hair and lazy grin on the other side of the couch.

First, it was every other Saturday night, just to have some fun. Then it was every Saturday, plus Fridays to warm up. Then it was every night after work, to wind down.

After a full year of it, Teddy could barely function without both James and that phial in his life every single day.

Losing just one would have shattered him. He'd never considered what might happen to him if he lost both.

*

 

Al came back two nights later.

"No," said Teddy, shaking his head as he hung on the door.

"He's gone up north on a mission." Al shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry he's being such a dick."

Teddy rubbed his eyes. He'd begged off work again today and even in early evening still hadn't made it out of his pyjama bottoms and an old, stained t-shirt. "He's not," he mumbled, stepping aside for Al to come through. "I don't blame him."

Al paused in shrugging his cloak off. "How can you not?" Teddy's face must have given him away, because Al sighed. "Ah," he said, coming in and making himself at home on the couch. "I get it. You're too busy blaming yourself." His hands fidgeted in his lap. "Have you met my mother? You two'd get on famously." He snorted.

Teddy stumbled, leaning into the wall for support. "How is she?" he stammered. Al shrugged.

"Still doesn't come out of her room much. Not sure what she's doing in there, actually."

"Sewing effigies of me to burn, I imagine."

Al gave him a pitying smile. "No, I don't think so."

They were silent for a long time as Teddy struggled for something to say. "You, uh, need dinner or anything?"

"No." Al glanced over again. "You don't have to entertain me," he added. "I just wanted somewhere to be that isn't home."

Teddy nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

Al got up to use the loo, and Teddy ran his hands through his hair again. His entire body ached. His limbs were too heavy to lift and a ball of cotton seemed firmly lodged in his mouth. He hadn't shaved in a week and barely remembered to eat or shower most days. It was too hard to move forward when everything he wanted in his life was in the past.

"I want to try some."

He glanced up, blinking. "What?"

He saw Al holding up a gold phial, scuffed with dirt around the base but still corked and containing perhaps half a dozen more doses.

"Christ. Where'd you get that?" Teddy jumped up and made to grab it, but Al closed his hand over it.

"I want to know what it's like." Al stood firm, his jaw jutting out.

Teddy didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "No, you idiot," he snapped. "You don't."

"Does it really make it easier to forget?"

A corner of Teddy's heart twisted, and he swallowed around a renewed bout of nausea. "I don't know why I still have that," he bit out. "Give it here."

But Al tightened his fist and held the phial high over his head.

"Al," he pleaded, but his voice was shrinking. Just the sight of the phial had warmed his muscles and started his blood flowing a bit faster in anticipation. Fuck. He could have sworn he'd already ransacked the place weeks ago, destroying every empty bottle he could find until he'd curled up in a ball on the floor, shattered glass pressing into his side, and sobbed.

Al lowered his arm a bit, peering at the murky potion.

Staggering backwards, Teddy hit the edge of the couch and sat down, trembling. He could only shake his head back and forth in a steady rhythm as he watched Al uncork the phial and examine the dropper. "Don't," he whispered, but the words barely left his lips. His eyes were too focused on the pearl of golden liquid forming at the tip.

Al tilted his head back and held his tongue out. The single drop landed on it, and he curled his tongue back in his mouth and closed his eyes.

Breathing heavily through his parted lips, Teddy couldn't tear his eyes away. After a few tense moments, Al let out a slow moan, shuffling over to the couch and dumping the bottle down on the coffee table.

"God," he murmured, his voice thick and a slow smile spreading over his face. "Is this what it's like?"

Teddy could have wept. The first time. The _very_ first time. There was nothing like it. You knew it was wrong, illegal, but the taboo of it combined with the anticipation already had your blood racing even before the potion hit your veins. When it did, you were ready to just hang on and _fly_. It was never that good again, though, and Teddy had spent most of the past year taking more and more of the junk, trying to recapture the beauty of that first time.

Al sank back into the couch cushions. "Mmm. Oh, relax," he said to Teddy as he glanced over. "It wasn't that much. I'm still okay. Just..." He closed his eyes again. "Feels amazing, doesn't it?"

With a soft whimper, Teddy lunged for the bottle.

*

 

"So, I'm pretty sure Al's a poof," James drawled one night, sucking on his fag and letting his head loll back against the couch. "And not a butch one like you," he added. "One of those nancy bottoms, I mean."

Teddy manoeuvred the fag out of James's hand and took a drag himself, considering this. "You know what a nancy bottom looks like, then?"

James blinked for a second and then grinned. "Well played, Lupin."

"Ta."

"I think I know the general type, yeah." He grabbed the fag back and took another drag, aiming a stream of smoke up at the ceiling.

"And Al fits the bill?" It wasn't as though Teddy had never considered the matter before – he wasn't _blind_ – but it was more entertaining to let James rationalise it himself. "Go on, then. What's the general type? For nancy bottoms, I mean. Not the butch poofs like me."

James elbowed him in the ribs. "You know what I mean." He waved the fag around, pausing to look Teddy up and down. "You look all right. Could still land a bird if you tried."

"I look straight, you mean." Teddy reached for the fag again, but James held it above his head, out of reach, before sticking it in the corner of his mouth and talking around it.

"No. Well, yeah, but I don't mean that like it's a bad thing."

Teddy rolled his eyes. "Thanks."

"Right. But _Al_ – look." He began to count on his fingers, the cigarette growing soggy between his lips. "He's shit at Quidditch. He loves getting new dress robes even more than Lily does. He's never _once_ asked me about girls." He put another finger out, but Teddy interrupted him.

"You sure you'd be the one he'd ask?" he said, laughing.

"I'm his big brother," said James, indignant. "Course he'd ask me. You wouldn't know, see, because the time I asked _you_ about girls–"

"The only time."

A grin lit up James's face, and he finally took the cigarette out of his mouth and flicked it at the coffee table, Banishing it. "The _only_ time I ever asked you about girls, right, you remember what you said to me?"

Teddy groaned.

James leaned over and hung off his shoulder, laughing. "Christ, no," he mocked. "What would you possibly want with _girls_?" He screwed his face up into an imitation of Teddy's disgust.

Teddy shook his head, grinning despite himself. "Fine way to come out to you, I suppose."

James shrugged. "Like I didn't already know."

Teddy kicked his feet up on the coffee table and eyed him. "You did not."

Turning to him with a sly grin, James shuffled closer before resting his head on Teddy's shoulder, blinking up at him. "I saw the way you'd look at me," he drawled.

Teddy shrugged him off, trying to control his heartbeat. "Fuck off," he said with a laugh.

Lifting his head, James snorted. "Hey, I can't blame you. Anyone with a regular view of Potter arse–" he paused to lean over, slapping himself on one firm cheek – "is bound to want a taste."

He didn't have a clue, not a single fucking clue. Teddy swallowed, trying to conjure the energy to laugh it off. Again. "I have to wonder," he ventured, "if there are any Potters in the universe with a confidence problem."

James rose, padding over to the fridge to get them new bottles of beer. "I told you – _Al_."

"Being a poof gives him confidence problems?" Teddy snorted. Best not to look too closely at that one.

James popped the caps with his wand and then stood in front of Teddy, his arms spread wide. "Nancy _bottom_," he pronounced with a nod, as if that explained everything. "Enough said."

*

 

Within minutes of slipping six fat drops onto his tongue, his old standard, Teddy's headache eased like the fist crunching his skull had quietly let go. The achingly familiar, floating feeling stole over him again. He sighed, a deep, desperate exhalation of everything he'd been bottling up inside, sprawling out on the couch with his legs wide and his arms dropping to his sides. He closed his eyes and let the colours of the room bleed behind his eyelids, exploding in a brilliant mix of sun and stars.

"Fuck, yeah," he groaned. His palms subconsciously slid down his thighs, and he began rubbing gently, just slow, quiet motions with the fabric of his pyjama bottoms velvety soft against his hands. It felt brilliant.

A matching groan beside him on the couch made him crack his eyes open. Al was gazing at the path of Teddy's hands, watching them slide down to his knees and then back up, not quite touching his groin.

God. _James?_

James's hair was the wrong colour, Teddy thought as he closed his eyes again. He still looked good, though. He always looked good, flushed from the potion and half-sprawled over the couch or on the floor, the plane of his stomach peeking out from where his shirt hitched up, or the muscles of his arms flexing as he ran his hands through his hair and over his face.

When a tentative hand joined his own over his thighs, Teddy only let his head fall back against the couch and moaned, moving James's hand along with his. His cock began to stir from all the motion over the insides of his thighs. "James," he groaned, arching into the touch.

The new hand stilled for a moment, and Teddy tried to push up again for more contact. Finally, it resumed. "Yeah," a voice murmured, moving closer to him. "Yeah, I'm here."

"You never," Teddy began, swallowing around the words, "let me touch you, never like this."

"I– yeah. I know." James's hand moved up further, gliding lightly over Teddy's groin. "But maybe now you can? Do you– I mean, if you want to."

Teddy opened his eyes again, his lids heavy and his vision unfocused. James swayed before him, lean lines and tousled hair and – it was darker today, wasn't it? Teddy blinked. Who fucking cared. "I want to," he growled. "Oh my God, I want to." He reached out, grasping for the nearest bit of skin to taste and touch, and James crawled towards him on the couch. "Come here," Teddy muttered, grabbing his hips and hauling James onto his lap.

James swung his leg around to straddle Teddy, his face buried in Teddy's shoulder. "Fuck," he muttered, but then his lips were moving over Teddy's neck and his breath was warming Teddy's skin and his groin – oh God, at _last_ – was grinding against Teddy's.

The room became a swirling blur, but the whirlwind of it felt calming rather than dizzying. Teddy found himself easing into it, floating through his own flat with James pressing against him and everything that had ever been wrong with the world before suddenly turned right.

He came before he could even fully process it was happening. Hungry lips moved against his and a warm body – _James's_ warm body, so warm, so alive – was thrusting against him, and he folded his fingers in the back of James's t-shirt and cried out as his dick pulsed.

"Oh. _Oh_. God. Fuck." The voice at his neck was panting, nearly sobbing, and he felt fingers tighten in his hair as the body above him ground down hard and then stilled. "_Teddy_," the voice whispered, holding him close, and with a relieved sigh, Teddy sagged into the couch with the body slumping on top of him and pure bliss coursing through his veins.

James wanted him. It was all going to be all right now.

*

 

Teddy knew it wasn't the most emotionally healthy thing to do, but sometimes when she gave him an encouraging smile or asked him how he was doing, he liked to pretend that Luna Lovegood was his mother.

Ginny was always too concerned with her own kids, and Hermione with her job. He saw Fleur every so often, but she was about as warm as a Scottish wind. Angelina was all right, but she was more interested in talking Quidditch with James than any other topic with Teddy, and no one had seen Audrey since she'd run off with her kids' tutor eight years ago. Gran and Molly coddled him, but that was just what old people did. It wasn't the same.

Luna was different.

"You're sitting in the wrong chair," she said cheerfully in her office one day, barely looking up from a stack of papers.

Teddy looked around. There was only one chair in the room besides hers. He stood up. "Oh. Sorry."

She nodded. "It forgives you. Now," she continued, barely breaking breath to change the subject, "why don't you tell me about the potions?"

Teddy froze.

Several long seconds passed with her only blinking up at him.

"I... don't know what you mean."

"Oh." She leaned forward conspiratorially. "Do you have another name for them?" she whispered. "Sometimes I'm not very good at keeping up with the young people and their habits." Her eyes widened as she seemed to consider something. "You don't have silly names like the Muggles, do you? 'E' or 'X'?" She furrowed her brow.

"Uh." Of course they did. There was _Locust_, the dark green one that Teddy didn't use too often, since it left him unable to move his legs for a day afterwards; or _Sha_, the clear, oily one that dripped down your throat like motor oil and kept you awake for days. _Vol_ was his and James's poison of choice, though, the gold one that mixed elements of Felix Felicis, Calming Draught and Euphoria Elixir and which in large doses could probably tranquillise a Thestral.

"Hm." Luna tilted her head to the side as she gazed at him before jotting something down.

"What?" He leaned forward, trying to see. "I didn't say anything!"

She blinked at him again and then wrote something new.

He grew panicked. "What did I do? What are you– what's that for?" He pointed at the notes in accusation.

"You're getting upset," she said gently, nodding at the chair. "Why don't you sit down?"

He turned to look at it again, and then back at her. Gingerly, he lowered himself into it, waiting for admonishment.

She regarded him, tapping her quill to her lips. "I think it's the right chair now," she murmured to herself, taking some more notes.

He kneaded his forehead. "Look, my hand's fine, so maybe you can just sign my release forms, and I can go."

She glanced at his bandaged hand. "Seventeen pieces of glass embedded in your palm after a night of innocently watching the telly?" Her voice softened. "James was quite upset when he brought you in."

"Broke a bottle." He shrugged.

"With enough suspicious magic in it that two fully trained wizards couldn't stop the bleeding on their own? That wasn't just a beer bottle." She smiled at him, but her face was drawn with concern.

That was it; that was the face that she trained on him sometimes, the one that made his heart ache, made him have to physically restrain himself from crawling into her arms, resting his head on her chest and sobbing until he was dry.

"Teddy," she said quietly, folding her hands on her desk. "If you don't stop this, you're going to die."

He stopped breathing for a moment as the words pressed through him. "What?"

"The Healers sent you to me, because they can only fix your hand. They can't fix the bigger problem."

"I don't need therapy, Luna. Thanks."

She took some more notes.

"We all die," he muttered. "Isn't that what you should be telling me, some philosophy of yours about Snorkacks and the cycle of life?"

She paused, gazing wistfully across her office. "Snorkacks do die, yes," she said, "and too soon. Tragically short lifespan for their height." She nodded at him. "But we're talking about _you_."

"I– okay. Just." He scrubbed at his face. "Did you know my mother?" he blurted out.

If she was surprised by the question, she gave no indication. "Hm. No, I don't think so. I knew your dad, though."

Teddy glanced up.

"Just a little bit, when he taught at Hogwarts. Harry must have told you about that."

_We're not exactly close_, he wanted to say. _He's got kids of his own; doesn't need someone else's, too_. Instead, he only shrugged. "Not really."

She regarded him so long that he began to fidget. Finally, she set about writing more notes, turning the parchment every few lines to write upside down. Teddy squinted at the page. When she was done, she tore off one corner and handed it to him. "Fill that prescription, and then come back in a month," she ordered, putting her quill down. "Oh, and you should probably bring your own chair next time." She glanced sadly at his chair as he rose.

He unfolded the prescription in the corridor, almost tripping over his feet as he took in the words:

_Ask Harry to tell you about your parents._

*

 

Teddy woke up in his bed, rather than on the couch, for the first time in weeks. Lifting his head, he wiped his mouth and rolled over. He'd been stripped down to his shorts and tucked in under the covers. It felt wonderful. Deciding it didn't really matter how he'd got there or why, he burrowed back in on his side with his arm slung around his pillow and closed his eyes again.

"Hey." A gentle hand nudged his shoulder, and the aroma of fresh coffee hit his nose.

"Mmf." He rolled onto his back, his eyes still closed.

"It's almost noon. You've been drifting in and out. Get up for a bit, yeah? Don't make me think you're in a coma or something."

"Mm," Teddy moaned again, swallowing around the cotton in his mouth. "Hey, Al," he murmured.

The hand stilled. "Yeah. It's me. You–" he paused, and Teddy could hear him breathing quickly. "You knew it was me?" Al's hand slid further up Teddy's arm and into the covers, light fingers caressing his neck until his palm gently cupped Teddy's cheek. His thumb stroked under Teddy's eye, and like a weight dropping through his stomach, it all came rushing back.

Teddy sat bolt upright, his chest heaving. He rubbed his eyes and then stared at Al.

"Ah." Al sat back, pulling his bottom lip under his teeth. "You _didn't_ know it was me."

Sitting up that quickly had been a bad idea. His head began to throb again. He reached for the coffee Al held out to him. Pushing his free hand through his hair, he shook his head. "I did, just now. But not–"

"–last night," Al finished for him, and Teddy took a long sip. "It's okay. I knew you didn't, and I did it anyway." He fiddled with an unravelling thread on the duvet, his eyes not meeting Teddy's.

The room blossomed with awkward silence, and Teddy kneaded the heel of his hand over one eye. He'd never had a blackout after a night of using, not quite, and last night was no exception. He remembered. As soon as the sleepiness evaporated from his consciousness, he remembered it all – dragging Al onto his lap with such urgency; letting Al press against him like that; clutching at Al's hair and shirt and coming in his trousers while murmuring James's name. His head suddenly felt like an axe had sliced through it. Swallowing, he massaged his forehead. "I'm sorry, Albus," he whispered.

He saw Al grit his teeth at the name, but Al met Teddy's eyes. "You're sorry you got off with me, or you're sorry the bloke you got off with wasn't James?" he asked bluntly, twisting the duvet in his fingers.

Teddy thought about that. "Both," he said at last.

Nodding, Al pushed himself off the bed and left the room. Fifteen seconds later, Teddy heard the front door open and close, the force of it rattling the windows.

*

 

After the weird therapy session with Luna, Teddy couldn't bring himself to talk to Harry about anything in the past, but he did try to ease up a bit on the potions. He asked for longer hours at the bar, sometimes working late into the night so he wouldn't have to face James, bored and high, when he got home. It might have lasted three or four weeks, but the headaches nearly killed him, and the slide back down was hard and fast.

"Fucking Linus. _Fuck_!" James stormed into Teddy's flat that one awful night and began banging his fist against the wall. "You got any?" he pleaded, turning to Teddy and pulling at his hair. "Tell me you've got some. Fucking Linus fucked me in the arse. Paid him double, too, and he says he's not got any." He began pacing the living room, his chest heaving.

Teddy wasn't as bad off as James at that point. He'd not gone cold turkey, but he'd reduced his load a little bit. A night off wouldn't have killed him, but he couldn't say the same for James. "Relax," he said, moving towards him and trapping his arms at his sides. "Just stay still. Take a deep breath, all right?"

But James's eyes wouldn't stop darting around the room, his face panicked and his limbs shaking under Teddy's hands. "Tell me you've got some," he repeated over and over again. "Tell me you've got some. Please, Teddy." He was pale as a ghost.

"I don't," said Teddy. "Just, come here." He tried to tug him over to the couch. "Lie down. I'll talk to Linus tomorrow." Teddy might not have been as bad off, but continuously talking about it was making him _want_. He licked his dry lips and clutched at James's shoulder as he pushed him towards the couch, suddenly unsure if he himself could last through the night.

James managed to sit quietly on the couch for six solid seconds before jumping up and striding for the door again. "I can't," he muttered, clenching and unclenching his fingers. "I've got to– got to find some."

He returned forty minutes later with a bloody lip and a small bag in his hand.

"Christ," muttered Teddy, trying to touch his face, but James swatted him away.

"'m fine," he insisted, pulling the bag open. Five glossy capsules slid into his palm, and his jaw fell slack in appreciation. "Fuck, yeah," he breathed.

"The fuck is that?" Teddy grabbed his wrist to stop him from dumping every capsule down his throat. "Thought you were going for Vol."

"This is it," said James, annoyed. "Bloke said it's a new kind. Cheaper to make."

"Give me those, you fucking idiot," barked Teddy, lunging for James's hand.

"Fuck you!"

"You want to melt your brain?"

"What the fuck do you care?" James was nearly hysterical, his eyes bloodshot and his skin taking on a greenish hue.

Teddy stumbled backwards for a moment before laughing, his head in his hands. "Yeah," he muttered. "Right. What do I care?"

James sighed. "No. Christ. I–" He stepped towards Teddy, his hands trembling, and touched his cheek. "I know you do. I just– I do. I know it."

Teddy closed his eyes as James's fingers slid over his face, down past his lips and dipping into the hollow of his throat. His heart sped up and he took in a shuddering breath. "Don't fuck with me," he whispered.

"'m not," murmured James, and then he leaned in and brushed his lips against Teddy's, a gasp catching in his throat. "I'll quit tomorrow," he breathed against Teddy's mouth. "Promise. Just tonight. Come with me, Teddy."

Teddy clenched his fingers in the sleeve of James's shirt and used all the resolve he had not to haul him closer, crashing their mouths together and rutting up against him. The tiny kiss was enough for now. He exhaled, long and slow.

His forehead still resting against James's, he felt James reach down and then back up, slipping one of the capsules between his lips. He swallowed, not moving, and then let his hand slide slowly down Teddy's chest. When he moaned softly a few seconds later, Teddy sighed with relief. Okay, maybe the junk was all right.

He pulled back a bit and held out his palm, rolling his eyes when James grinned at him. One by one, they alternated taking them until James held the last one between his thumb and forefinger, rolling it in front of Teddy's face. Before Teddy could grab for it, James parted his lips, his tongue snaking out. He placed the capsule on it and curled the tip up, and Teddy's stomach clenched at the seductiveness of the gesture.

He stumbled over to the couch, colours already beginning to streak behind his eyelids and ideas alive in his head that maybe it was finally the right time, maybe tonight was the night he could press James back against the couch and make him put that tongue to better use.

James joined him a moment later, slumping back against the cushions. His hand fell to his side and Teddy inched towards it, grasping it in his own. His mind exploded with torrents of music and flame, and with James's fingers entwined with his, he drifted up above the clouds.

*

 

After Al stormed out, Teddy spent the rest of the day alternately trying to get the taste of him out of his mouth, and resisting the urge to sink back into the bliss of the night before – with the potion sliding down his throat and all his cares whisked away like specks of dust.

He didn't have much luck with either.

He forced himself to go to work only because homelessness wasn't really something he needed to add to his list of problems, and rent was due in a week. He stopped at the post office to scribble a note before he went in, watching the owl lift it off into the night sky with relief already washing over him. Thirteen weeks clean, and last night had been the first he hadn't wanted to curl up into a ball and die.

Fuck it.

It was after eleven when Linus walked in, and the place was so busy that Teddy almost didn't see him.

"Teddy," he called, leaning against the bar. Teddy glanced over, sucking in a breath. He finished passing over a pair of Pimms and cranberry to the birds at the other end of the bar before coming over. He shook Linus's extended hand. "Didn't think I'd hear from you again."

Teddy pursed his lips. "Save it," he muttered. "It's just a little bit, to get me through. You ever tried going off this shit?" he added, forcing a laugh.

Linus smirked. "Miserable, ain't it?" Glancing to his side, he ordered a drink and passed Teddy a few coins. Nestled underneath the stack was a small phial of the gold potion. Teddy's heart began to beat faster at the very sight of it.

He rummaged under the bar for some coins of his own, but Linus stopped him. "It's on me," he said gruffly, pushing himself away from the bar and straightening his cloak. "Made enough off that other kid of yours tonight," he added with a laugh. He winked at Teddy and turned towards the door.

"Wait, what kid?" called Teddy, frowning.

Linus shrugged. "Over at Nelly's. The serious-looking one. Seen him with James before."

Teddy's heart thudded to a stop. He gripped the edge of the bar. "You sold to him?" he bit out, his voice strangled.

"Hey, he had the Galleons. Why, who is he?"

Teddy didn't answer. He was already shouting down the bar to Jesse to cover for him and racing to the door. He shoved it open and ran down the street like a Firebolt on legs, nearly blinded with fear and rage. He tore the door to Nelly's open and skidded to a halt inside, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. After a few moments, he zeroed in on Al over at the bar, sitting alone with his hands curled around a beer stein.

He strode over to him and gripped his shoulder hard enough to bruise, yanking him around. "What the fuck, Albus," he said in a low voice, his fury barely contained. "What the _fuck_?" He saw them then, the two shimmering phials peeking out of the sleeve of Al's robe where his hand had tucked them under.

Al's eyes widened, but he quickly recovered, pressing his lips together. He turned back to his beer, saying nothing.

"Why are you doing this?" begged Teddy, his voice breaking. "Why, _why_ would you do this? Tell me you haven't been taking it. Tell me you're just– God, I don't even know. Trying to piss me off, get me angry. Tell me it's not real."

Calmly, Al let the phials slide out of his sleeve, cradling them in his palm. "Maybe it doesn't seem like such a bad idea," he muttered. "You like it well enough."

Teddy blinked at him. "_Like it_? Are you– Jesus fucking Christ, Albus, are you completely mad? _Like it_ well enough?" He gripped the bar. "It's fucking ruined my _life_. Can't you– God, can't you see that?" He gestured down at himself. "Have you _seen_ me? I am completely fucking shattered from that shit."

"It makes you forget, though, doesn't it?" said Al quietly, running his thumb over one of the phials. "Isn't that why you and James started it in the first place?" He tensed his jaw. "Nice to forget sometimes." He held Teddy's gaze. "I could really go in for that right now."

An image of James, high as a tree house and laughing, stripping his shirt off before he passed out flashed through Teddy's mind, and he almost wept. There wasn't a potion in the world strong enough to make him forget what he wanted to most of all. Furious, he grabbed Al's hand and tore the phials from his fist.

"Fuck off!" shouted Al, but Teddy curled his fingers into the front of Al's robes and held him down. With his other hand, he closed the phials in his fist and, eyes darting around, found an unpopulated spot against a nearby wall. He hurled the phials at it with all his strength, wincing as they crashed and shattered, milky yellow fluid seeping down the wall like yolk.

Teddy was shaking, sweat pooling at his temples and beginning to slide down the sides of his face. "You want to end up like James," he barked, "is that it?"

Al's face shifted at that, the fury melting into something full of sorrow and wistfulness. He stared at Teddy. "You mean, completely adored by you, no matter how badly I treat you or how many times I fuck up your life? Yeah." He wiped his hand over his mouth. "That sounds perfect, actually." He turned and pushed through the crowd.

Teddy stared at his back, his mouth falling open.

*

 

When Teddy woke, he groped for James's hand again, eager to recreate the moment before they'd drifted off together.

"James," he tried to say, the only word in his head, but his mouth wouldn't open. Panicking, he cracked his eyes open and tried to look for him, but all he saw was white.

"Oh God. Oh, thank God. He's awake!" a man's voice called from somewhere above his head, and Teddy thought he heard sobbing. "It's okay, Teddy," the voice continued. "It's okay." A warm hand pressed against his, but it didn't quell the panic.

His mouth still wouldn't open to ask where the fuck he was, and he couldn't move his head to the side to see who was talking. _James_, was all he could think. _Find James_.

Then there was a rush of movement around him and he was being poked and prodded by things he couldn't see.

"His blood pressure's spiking again," someone muttered, pressing against his arm. "Keep him calm. We don't need his magic going haywire in here."

"Where's the family?" someone else said.

"I sent his grandmother to get tea. Didn't think he'd be moving for awhile yet."

"But the others, from when the boys came in?"

The chatter around his head abruptly stopped.

"Gone home, I imagine," one of them ventured quietly, still prodding at the veins on his arm. "They weren't in very good shape, especially the mother."

"I'm his family," the first voice piped up again as the warm hand continued to stroke his palm. "I'm here."

A wave of confusion crashed over Teddy. "Dad?" he croaked, and this time the word did manage to squeak through his lips.

The pressure against his hand lessened, replaced by warm fingers stroking his hair. "No, Teddy," the voice said, trembling. "It's me. It's Al."

_Al_. Okay, good. No, wait. That wasn't right. "Where's James?" he whispered, his throat still trying to constrict around the words.

Al's fingers stilled in Teddy's hair. "Shh," he said after a long silence. "It's okay. Just breathe for now."

But something wasn't right. Teddy struggled to focus his eyes and push more words out of his mouth, but they wouldn't come. Al lifted his hand away and Teddy thought he heard a choking sound beside the bed.

"Al," a new, dreamy voice said, "your father's outside. Why don't you go sit with him for now? I'll talk to Teddy." He heard footsteps shuffle away and the dreamy voice gave some instructions to the people who were poking and prodding Teddy. They too faded away. "Teddy, it's Luna," the voice called again. "Do you remember me?"

Almost instantly, Teddy felt calmer. "Luna," he managed. "God. Where am I?"

"Shh. Don't sit up, sweetheart. You're at St Mungo's." Her voice was like a lilting song. He sank back against the pillows and let it wash over him. "You got sick, okay? Albus found you and James unconscious at your flat yesterday and called me. We're taking care of you now."

"Okay," he murmured. "Take care of James," he added, his breath halting. "Take– care–"

"Shh. Teddy, listen to me." Her voiced hardened, and he opened his eyes again.

Slowly, he was able to focus on her white robes and large blue eyes. He swallowed.

"We tried to take care of James, but he wouldn't wake up."

He stared at her, and she leaned forward, putting her arms around him and kissing him on the forehead.

"Teddy," she murmured, holding him close. "James is dead."

*

 

Al didn't come 'round for nearly three weeks after the confrontation at Nelly's.

Teddy pretended to go about his life, picking up pieces here and there and stepping directly over others before he could even see them. It was a delicate process. The morning after Nelly's, he made an appointment with Luna and started seeing her three days a week for two hours each time.

It was hard at first. She made him bring his own chair and tell her what it represented to him. She made him admit he was lonely. She made him fetch her tea from the St Mungo's cafeteria and then read the leaves when she was through drinking it. She made him write a list of everything he wished he could talk to his parents about. She made him knit sock puppets so they could role-play the conversations.

He hated to admit it, but the pink yarn on the head of his mother's puppet made him laugh every time he looked at it. He gave his father a little moustache based on an old photograph his Gran had, but Luna wrinkled her nose and picked at the thread until it unravelled, insisting he was much more handsome that way.

Near the end of the third week, he brought in a new puppet. Looking pleased, Luna asked him who it was.

"There's someone else I need to practice conversations with," he told her. "Someone who might even talk back." He took a deep breath. "Luna," he said solemnly, turning the puppet in his hand. "This is Al."

She smiled and nodded. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Al. I hear you and Teddy have a lot in common."

Teddy sighed, scrutinising the little wisp of blue scarf he'd fitted over Al's puppet shoulders. "Yeah. I guess we do."

*

 

By the time Teddy finally felt stable enough to talk to Al again, he found he'd actually missed him. This curious creature who had always existed on the fringes of Teddy's relationship with James, Al was nonetheless a stable presence in Teddy's life that he was beginning to realise he'd always taken for granted. He figured they had some catching up to do, if nothing else.

And to find a way to move past the horror of that night together, with Teddy whispering James's name into Al's heated skin. He closed his eyes. Yeah. Not the nicest thing to do to a bloke, especially not one who had felt so fucking _good_ grinding into him.

Teddy sent an owl and to his surprise, Al wrote back. _Monday night at nine_, it had said. _Guess your list of approved substances is short these days. I'll bring pumpkin juice_. Teddy grinned, shaking his head.

Sometime after seven, though, there was a light knock at Teddy's door. Perplexed, he opened it to find Harry standing in the doorway, his arms hanging at his sides and his mouth turned down.

"May I come in?" he said quietly as Teddy stood gaping at him.

"Oh. Uh, yeah. Of course." He stood aside to let Harry enter the flat, not sure what to do with him once he was inside.

Harry rubbed his forehead. "I've been spending a lot of time with Luna lately," he began, not meeting Teddy's eyes. "Talking about... everything."

Teddy was silent, unsure of what to say.

"She's pretty helpful, isn't she?" Harry almost laughed for a second before clamping down on it. Teddy felt the anxiety begin to release a little bit, his shoulders softening.

"Did she tell you not to sit in the only chair?" he ventured.

Harry finally looked up at him. "Yeah!" He did laugh at that. "What a nutter that woman is," he added fondly.

He exhaled, his entire chest deflating and his shoulders slumping as he gazed at Teddy. Long seconds stretched out before them as they stood in silence, everything that had happened swirling up in a frenzy of memories and emotions between them.

"I'm sorry," said Harry at last, his voice barely more than a whisper.

The intensity of the moment blasted Teddy across the face, and he suddenly had to choke back a sob. He balled his hands into fists and dropped his eyes, trying to keep it together.

"I didn't know who to blame, and I couldn't blame James," Harry continued, stumbling over the words.

Teddy's hands trembled and his head began to pound again. He backed himself against the wall and folded his hands over his mouth, shaking his head back and forth rhythmically. "Don't," he whispered. "I can't–"

"I don't blame you," murmured Harry, stepping forward and putting a hand on Teddy's shoulder. "It wasn't your fault."

Teddy bit down on his cheek to keep from falling apart. A sob tore from his throat.

"Oh, Christ," Harry whispered. "I'm so sorry." He pulled Teddy towards him and enveloped him in a desperate embrace. "Come here, son," he murmured, flattening his palm out to rub over Teddy's back as Teddy sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

Teddy completely broke down for the first time since it all happened, his body wracked with shudders as he clutched at Harry, tears streaming down his face.

*

 

Teddy put Al off a few more days after that, overcome with emotional exhaustion. When they finally met again, Teddy knew what he needed from Al.

"We've never... talked about that day," he said quietly, folding his body on the couch and hugging his knees.

Al's mouth fell open, but he closed it quickly, clearing his throat as he sat down. "No, guess not."

"You'd never come 'round randomly like that before," Teddy pressed. "Why that day?"

Al was quiet for so long that Teddy began to fear the answer. Finally, Al seemed to force his pensiveness aside, shrugging. "I was going to declare my undying love for you."

"Ah, of course." Teddy rolled his eyes. "But, can we be serious? I need to–" He pressed his lips together. "I need to start talking about this."

Al just gave him a significant look, his head tilted to the side.

"You– oh. _Oh_. God. Albus–"

Al forced a laugh, closing his eyes. "Yes, the full name. Excellent. That's always the absolute wrong sign. You only use that when you're either angry with me or thinking of me as an irritating little brother."

"No, I didn't mean that. I'm not angry. I'm not–" He raised his head, blinking at Al. He looked nothing like James, in fact, not really. His face was more freckled and his nose longer, and James would never have been capable of producing the slight worry lines that creased Al's forehead. "I don't think of you as an irritating little brother," he finished softly.

Al dropped his eyes, his jaw tight. "I'd been practicing in front of the mirror for months," he said, his voice deepening as he mocked himself. "_Teddy, I think it's time we had a chat_." An embarrassed smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "No, that's not right. How about, _Teddy, I've been admiring your arse since I was fourteen, and you are probably the single biggest reason I'm gay_."

Teddy barked a laugh, rubbing his eyes. "Those are both terrible."

"Hm." Al paused. "How about, _Why not me_?" He searched Teddy's face, his grin fading. "_Why does James get you and I don't, when he doesn't even appreciate what he's got_?"

Teddy let out a slow breath, meeting Al's gaze. "That might've worked."

"Really?"

Teddy nodded, slipping a hand around the back of Al's neck and pulling him closer. Their foreheads touched and Teddy let the tip of his nose slide against Al's cheek, breathing him in, before his lips brushed Al's.

Al sighed against his mouth, reaching up to frame Teddy's face and deepen the kiss. For the first time in months, Teddy felt a true sense of calm steal over him, his ever-present headache receding.

He pulled back, releasing Al's bottom lip slowly. "Thank you," he murmured.

"For kissing you?" Al smiled, his fingers in Teddy's hair.

Teddy held his gaze. "For saving my life."

Al's hands fell back down to his lap, and all the breath seemed to leave him. He closed his eyes. "I'm not him, you know. If that's what you're pretending, then I can't–"

"It's not."

Al curled into Teddy's side.

"I don't know if this is a good idea or not," murmured Teddy, still stroking the back of Al's neck, "but it's nice, isn't it?"

"Mm."

"For now, it's just nice." He moved his lips up again and kissed Al's forehead, holding him close.

"I miss him," Al whispered.

A wave of grief crashed over him again, but this time Teddy didn't feel as alone. He wrapped Al in his arms, clutching at the back of his t-shirt and stroking his hand through Al's hair. "I know," he murmured, his lips brushing Al's ear. "I do, too."

*

 

"Ah, Lupin, there you are." James sauntered into the bar and sank down on one of the stools, twirling it in a full circle before grabbing the edge of the bar to stop.

Teddy reached for the firewhisky and poured James a shot.

He downed it quickly, tapping his fingers on the surface for another.

Teddy raised a brow but obliged. "Rough day?" he teased.

James wiped his mouth. "Called Fiona _Andrea_." He glanced up at Teddy.

"Oof."

"Yeah."

"Right in the middle of–?"

"Yep."

Teddy was quiet for a moment. "Which one was Andrea?"

James made a rude gesture with his hands.

"Ah. So, in theory, it'd be a compliment if whatever Fiona was doing was _reminding_ you of Andrea."

"In theory, sure." He grinned, then slammed his palm down on the bar. "Ah, fuck it!" he declared. "I'm off women. Maybe you've got the right idea after all, mate."

Teddy's stomach twisted, and he willed himself to look away, his smile tight. "Not so sure about that," he muttered.

"What're you getting up to these days, anyway? Got some decent cock to suck?" Teddy rolled his eyes at the genuine concern in James's voice.

"I do all right," he assured him.

James slumped down over the bar, his chin in his hand. "You know who I really despair for," he pronounced sadly, "is poor Albus."

Teddy raised a brow.

"Terribly repressed." He clucked his tongue. "Really just needs to find a bloke and shag the stuffing out of him."

"He's got time," said Teddy with a grin. "I'm sure the right wizard is out there somewhere."

James gave him a lazy smile, the one that always sent a trickle of heat down Teddy's spine. "Yeah," he agreed, downing another shot. "I'm sure he is. Well, take care of him for me, would you?"

Teddy laughed. "What, one queer to another? It doesn't quite work like that."

James looked put out. "Why not? Besides," he added, "you've got more than that in common, if you'd both get your heads out of your arses and think about it." He grinned, sliding off the stool and throwing some coins on the bar. "We still on for tonight?"

Teddy nodded.

He gave Teddy a wave over his shoulder and strolled out of the bar, the hinges of the old door yawning behind him.

 

-fin-


End file.
